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“The Cell Phone F*#ker” #4
I tell my mom I want to be dropped off at Starbucks so I can work on my writing. She says I have to ask my father. (Am I 40 or 7?) So, I ask him if he’ll drop me off at Starbucks so I can work on my...
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“The Cookie Has Crumbled” #5
My father calls me in to the den. He wants to talk to me. “I think your dog is eating my Mallomars.” I am silent. #1 – I’m worried that he hates Vito so much. #2 – I’m the one who’s really eating...
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“Vito Wants Out” #6
Vito has started growling at my father. I tell my Dad it’s because he’s not giving him any attention. But, deep down I worry that Vito (my Pit Bull) has a dark side. That he will snap and maul my...
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“They Ambush Me” #8
Now that I’m living with them, my mother has a new lease on life, a reason to wake up in the morning. She has found her life’s purpose: to get me married. Which is funny, because I can’t say I’m much...
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“The Guy Who Dumped Me is Texting Me” #9
So, sometime before I got fired from my bullshit day job, I met this guy who was unlike any I had ever dated before. He was kind, smart, almost a bit nerdy (which I thought was a good thing, since I’d...
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“4:13 AM” #12
So, I wake up at 4:13am. I can’t sleep. Not because of anxiety this time, but because Vito is taking up the whole bed and snoring louder than an old Cuban man. I can’t help but wish I were cuddling...
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“About To Get Some Action” #14
The rendezvous was set. Sunday night in the city I would meet The Indian – the ex who’s been texting and wanting to see me. Of course deep down I was hoping this was our second chance; that we would...
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